04 october,26 i actually consider myself as a very romantic person but my romantism is not really understood by everyone. To understand my love, you first have to like yourself. im pretty unhinged. do i love myself? 60/40 y/n. funny thing, today morning i drunk sugar free tea but in evening i drunk sugary milk tea cz i was in sad mood. -_- . dieting is so hard. like so hard. im not a foodie but when i reduce my ususal food intake, i feel hungry and if i have money. i try new foods. -_-
im actually sad becz tomorrow is our first year anniversary and kitty's not home. It reminded me of how my parent's also missed my first birthday but my first bday was indeed celebrated quite grandly. but without parents. i sometime thinks, maybe creator of the world doesnt really want me to get attached to things ir peoples. i may look like im a fully detached person. but to be fully detached, you first need to be attached to something or someone so hardcore that you'll know actually what a detached really called or feel like. i love my milk tea too much. - 10:46pm
03 october,26 Today was a sunny day but i didnt go out. Had milk tea but tea taste wasn't strong. Yesterday i was in super bad mood that i wrote a short story in just one night. After 4 years, i wrote it. My last written short story called 'nhớ nhà' - vietnamese word, meaning - to miss home. I wrote that thinking of my three selfs. Childhood,teenage and adult. ill upload the work here too maybe. let's see. i updated my 'about' today. I actually intend to write in website this whole website this whole october. let's see. From today last half of last semester of my last university life will start. How am i feeling? now better cz i had yogurt,boiled egg. XD
oh and about inconsistency. I found a very good advice. Which is 'progress over perfectionist.' oh and i watched silent hill movie today. I got crush on cybill but she died. and i didnt like the plot and the ending was also hopeless. the most useless husband in movie. whatever. i intend to woke up tomorrow 5am. so goodnight. Swweet dreams. (missig my lover's face T0T) - 11:00pm
02 october,26 1:10 pm - i envy those people who are consistent with their love,actions,identity. i struggled with consistency. i dont even know,why i struggles with it. do i think it is as 'burden'? Maybe i think it is as burden. maybe i should watch podcast on consistency topic of emma. recently im loving emma chamberline's podcasts. the most funny thing is, too be consistency, i need to keep myself at gun point. an alarm set to not forget to do work. lately im also feeling like i have so many tabs open in my head. or am i a perfectionist? i know im a perfectionist like 70% i guess. but its not like it consumes me and burn me. am i not self discipline enough? maybe that. do i have a goal in life? okay maybe that can be a reason. my goal in life is, i wanna have a good sleep at night. can i make that my goal of life? maybe? next week my last half of last uni year will start. i at least wanna document my these days thoughts,feelings,actions.
oh, i also wanna write a story. ill upload the chapter here. the story's gonna be based on japan and first person pov. so i need to read lot of materials? my writing style tends to leann on more toward absurdism and surreal. so i need to still learn a lot of perceptual words.
01 june,26 yesterday i was the bravest ever in may month. Finally i accepted that im a person with social anxiety. i dont even know how i got it cz i have talked with people since childhood. Everyone around me always says how extrovert i am. but my mbti is infp (in current phase lmao.on earlier phase it was estp - entp - intj lmaoo) ill write a blog on it ig. otherwise it will just go round and round in my head -_- oh and i got a severe crush on my lover again ^_^ anddd good morning.
28 may,26 Eid mubarak love
25 may,26 struggling heavy with focus. want to do so many things, so cant do anything. why feel like running out of time? Adults are always very greedy,and im greedy with time.